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Goodbye Dreams, Hello Unknown!

I only wanted for two things in my 34 years on earth. . And I haven’t gotten either so far. Two things I didn’t just want, but needed. The only two things I fought for, jumped through hoops for, and made a total fool of myself for. And still I come up empty. So if life is going to spit in my face, than I’m going to take it for granted and do whatever, whenever with no consequence or thought of tomorrow in mind. I mean if I can’t even get to my finish line for a victory, I might as well go off course and have some fun. So let’s see where this adventure takes me. . Maybe I will transform into a better, stronger me. . Although I can’t seem to envision anything but what I already am. 

My friends often tell me I’m too nice and I’m defintiely a bit naive so I get taken advantage, often. And I have way to much hope and optimism than what is considered realistic. And in my mind, a transformed me would be a colder, meaner, bitter bitch who always thinks and expects the worst. And I dont want to be that person. . Actually, I don’t think I CAN BE that person. I’ve attempted it before, as sort of a trial run to see if it’ll get me what I want. It didn’t work out so well.. I ended up feeling  guilty and apologizing more than anything else. 

But who is to say what transformation can blossom from this change. . No direction, no compass. . Just enjoying the ride!